Learning Gender

Here is a paper I just wrote for my Women's Studies Class....I havent really edited it. I just whipped it out this morning.

I thought and thought and thought about the moment I learned gender. That moment where I realized I was a girl and so had different expectations for life than if I were a boy. I thought about my childhood and growing up.  I thought about my first years at school. I thought about my friends; were they boys or were they girls? I thought about the activities I enjoyed when I was younger; were they girls’ activities or boys’ activities? I could not come up with anything. I drew a blank as to when I realized I was a girl and what that meant for my identity. I seriously considered creating a fictitious experience. Something striking and profound, yet still believable. BUT, I decided to use the truth. I still may not know what being female is supposed to mean.

            Growing up I would classify myself as a tomboy. You would be hard pressed to see me in anything other than my brother’s hand-me-down basketball shorts and an old t-shirt that once may have been a girl’s, but was now so dirty you’d think it was a boy’s. I didn’t have female friends in my neighborhood until I was about 10. There were a couple girls when I was really young, but they moved away early. I spent 75% of my time with my brother and his three neighborhood friends. I did (or watched) everything they did. Climbing fences, skateboarding, tennis, digging holes to China in the backyard, videogames, fireworks, fires and all other things that cause parents to claim, “boys will be boys”.

            I knew my brother did not like me hanging around all the time but never did it cross my mind that he didn’t want me there because I was a girl. I always knew he didn’t want me there because I was a whole 21 months younger than him. I was younger, smaller, less coordinated and less capable than he or his friends. Still, I attempted everything they did fearlessly, trying to earn my spot. I don’t believe I was acting like a boy. I was acting like myself. I was doing things that made me happy.

            When I finally did find a female friend my age we did all sorts of things that I would not assign to one gender or another. We rollerbladed, biked, swam, played Mario, dug to China, rode horses, played basketball in the driveway, made our own 11 year old business cards with stickers and markers, made those beaded lizards, and many other activities. I have never been big into playing with dolls or dress up. I enjoy doing arts & crafts (a stereotypical female activity – just look at Pinterest), sewing, and babies. I also love longboarding, playing sports, fishing, playing videogames and setting off fireworks. Until now I have not assigned these likes or dislikes to a male or female category. They have always just been me. I never learned gender I suppose. I learned Kylee. Whatever Kylee was or liked.

            I understand that I had a freedom to be like a boy, whereas boys do not have the freedom to be like girls. As it says in Women’s Voices, Feminist Visions, girls will proudly raise their hands when asked if they identified as tomboys in their youth. When asked if they were sissies in their youth, very few guys proudly raise their hand and claim that. (Shaw and Lee 105). I was able to participate in activities that I liked even if traditionally they were boys activities. I could l enjoy skateboarding and fireworks without criticism or mocking. If a young boy enjoys playing with dolls or doing arts & crafts, he gets beat up by others, called gay and weak. These things are girls’ activities and so they are less.

            While it is absolutely hilarious, If Men Could Menstruate by Gloria Steinem proves a point in the assigning of gender roles and expectations (Shaw and Lee 238). The point is that activities and things associated with men are more desirable, more prestigious, and more valuable. If men could menstruate, “menstruation would become an enviable, boast worthy, masculine event” (Shaw and Lee 238). If men suddenly all enjoyed knitting, instead of Super Bowl Sunday, there would be Knitting in November celebration with beer and chips. This proves the point that gender is what we make it. The things associated with each gender are ranked, but when reappropriated that ranking changes. This can be a positive change or a negative change. As it is put in The Social Construction of Gender, “wherever a task is done by women it is considered easy, and where it is done by men it is considered difficult” (Shaw and Lee 127). This includes menstruation.

            I think it a fascinating construction. I still cannot seem to grasp why we insist on places people and activities and identities into little boxes labeled “Men” & “Women”. It seems to me that these restrictions and assignments only limit our abilities to be 3-dimensional, fluid, and flexible. Why can’t a girl play baseball with the boys without enduring comments and criticism? Why do the boys on her team have to be told that a girl throws better than them to motivate them? I have been fortunate to learn Kylee and not gender, but I feel that I am one of very few.