Don't be in a hurry

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/06/dont-be-in-a-hurry?lang=eng

What I want:

I want my life to be full of color. I want the brightest colors to light my path. I want a green door and a yellow mailbox. I want my lamp to have a purple light bulb. I want music to push me around. I want the notes to urge my steps, helping me do the dishes and vacuum the halls.  I want the notes to come from the artists and from me. I want music always whispering to me, “Dance. Sing.”

I want a treehouse with a bookshelf and a two-person sleeping bag. I want a lantern to light the words on the page. I want books. Real books. Not a tablet with ePages and ePapercuts. I want REAL papercuts. I want to read poetry and hate it. I want a rope ladder to climb into my treehouse. I want to have sleepovers in that treehouse with my family, my kids, my grandkids. I want to have dogs that we pull up into the treehouse in a basket pulley-system.

I want to observe people. I want to come closer to the truth about us all, about human nature. Nature? Nurture? Does it matter? I want to befriend the elderly, the homeless. I want to ask them about their scars and hear their stories. I want to talk to and understand millions. I want their lives to change me. I want to change. I want to listen more than talk. I already know that.

I want my life to be present in my bones. I want you to be able to say, “She loved riding horses and playing lacrosse. She loved eating peanut butter. She loved playing basketball, look at that finger. She hated the cold and the hot but lived through both. She did not like seafood. She wrote. A lot. A blog maybe? She got migraines too. ”

I want to believe in angels and demons and ghosts and fairies and Peter Pan and Neverland. I want to reread Harry Potter every year with my family. I want them to believe in it. Put their hearts in it. I want to knock on wood and change paths when I see a black cat. I want to believe in reincarnation and talking animals.

I want to get mad and say mean things about people. I want to mean those things but have it not even matter. I want to hate things about people but love them unconditionally anyways. I want to be able to cry…hard and then get up the next morning and make others smile.

I want to never experience -45 degrees again. I want to remember Wyoming with fondness and a little pity and awe. I want to hate football and not care because others love it and I can share with them.

I want to go the extra mile but have it go unnoticed. I want to create light and life. I want to have nothing left at the end of my life. I want to die at 73. 75 at the latest unless there is something greater here than what awaits us all. I want to be sure in this life and not wait until the next. I want to hear, “Well done thou good and faithful servant.”

I want to not give a damn and I want people to not care that I don’t care. I don’t care. Stop caring. Let me have my purple lights, green door and yellow mailbox. I want people to mind their own business but notice when someone needs a hand. These are a few of the things I want.

God guides but does not move

I think that God will guide us but he won't move us.

It must be our feet that carry us forward and His guidance that directs the path that our feet are treading.

We could probably have the faith to move mountains but if we do not use our own bodies to carry us forward, those mountains will remain there.

God cannot move us. That is contrary to the agency he has given us. He can urge, direct, prompt - through the Spirit and through others, but until we put our energy and agency into movement we will stay at rest.

Imagine if everyone began walking with the intent to move forward as God directed the way. Most people are probably either walking without God's direction or not moving at all.

I don't want to be at rest even if I did have the faith to control the elements. I also don't want to move forward on my own path. I want to give my energy into God's will. I will be the movement and He will be the pilot.

Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me

1. 1. Jesus, Savior, pilot me
   Over life's tempestuous sea;
   Unknown waves before me roll,
   Hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.
   Chart and compass came from thee;
   Jesus, Savior, pilot me.
2. 1. 2. As a mother stills her child,
      Thou canst hush the ocean wild;
      Boist'rous waves obey thy will
      When thou say'st to them, "Be still!"
      Wondrous Sov'reign of the sea,
      Jesus, Savior, pilot me.
   2. 1. 3. When at last I near the shore,
         And the fearful breakers roar
         'Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
         Then, while leaning on thy breast,
         May I hear thee say to me,
         "Fear not; I will pilot thee."

A really cool experience

It's funny. You'd think I would feel different now that my dad has been excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Like I might be angry or sad or confused and take out my feelings by distancing myself from the church or something...But it's not like that.

I feel happy even. I don't know why except that it must be the Holy Ghost's influence on me.

I drove home friday after class to be a part of the disciplinary council on sunday night. It didn't go as planned. We did not learn the lesson that we had anticipated learning:

"For clarification, we weren't of the conviction that the children should be at the disciplinary counsel to hear the "outcome." We had already discussed that at length in our family beforehand. We all were prepared for any outcome. What we are absolutely certain of was that they should be allowed to see the process as it took place.

In our discussions with them we talked of the Spirit that attends a disciplinary council. We discussed the format and the procedure. We reviewed the scriptures and what they say about disciplinary councils. We were certain this would offer them an opportunity to hear from people who disagree with their father and hear how other people interpret the scriptures and how they relate to the history of the church. We were looking forward to the opportunity for them to see the scriptures used by me and then by the members of the high council testify of gospel truths. The Spirit witnessed to Stephanie this would be a faith promoting meeting for them to attend. The outcome was a non-issue.

In any event, again we would like to thank you for your service. We know this has been difficult and bear no resentment for you or anyone involved.  I am saddened, even ashamed that there wasn't an open process which allowed my children to have this important opportunity.  I've prized the underlying principles of the gospel which involve persuasion, knowledge, meekness and avoid control, compulsion and dominion.  I wanted my children to witness this glorious process in which men of good faith and belief come together to work through an important disagreement.  I had wanted them to behold the Spirit leading to unity."

But we DID learn a different lesson or two:

1) Family is important. It is the most important thing God has given us. Our family is a reflection of us and our lives. The scripture "By their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:20) has new meaning for me. The fruits are your family. That is true. Think about it...we use the word "roots" to refer to family heritage and such. It makes sense! The Snuffer clan was a pretty damn sturdy and strong fruit tree last Sunday night. Our roots can withstand anything.

2) Man is imperfect. Man will always be imperfect. And IT DOESN'T MATTER. God is perfect. He is the source of all light and truth so no matter what people do (excommunicate your father) or don't do (listen to the spirit) you can bear them no ill, think no less of them, sustain them fully and know that you can go to God as the source of all light and truth. It does not matter that man (YES, even your church leaders, YES even your Bishop and Stake Presidency and Thomas Monson) are imperfect and make imperfect decisions without utilizing the divine gift of the Holy Ghost. IT DOES NOT MATTER. God is with us all if we let him be. And THAT is how we will attain salvation. 

3) Disagreement is a good thing. Really. 

"Disagreement does not require warfare, and sometimes makes for very healthy and interesting conversation between those holding different views. We all need to push beyond rhetoric into the substance of the disagreements. Once we do that we can find the ability to love one another even as we disagree."

Where would we be if Joseph Smith hadn't disagreed with the churches of his time? How can we learn to be Christ-like if everyone agrees on everything? How do we learn to love despite differences and disagreements? I don't think you can. It is not meant to be easy to love everyone. It is meant to be a refining process. 

SO...

I am grateful for the disagreement and discussion that occurred between my family and the Stake Presidency. It taught me three important lessons that I thank God for. 

God works in awesome (and mysterious) ways. I would suggest to those reading this that you find out how he works. It will be worth it 10000X over. 

P.S. I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am thankful for Institute and my YSA. I love my leaders and sustain them and pray for them. I love general conference and the men who dedicate their lives to the cause. I also know that these things will prepare me for the next world, while remaining here in this one.

A Poem

My sister has inspired me to be all artsy and junk so I wrote this poem today.

I was in my Teaching of the Living Prophets institute class watching these two talks and I whipped this poem out. I am not totally pleased yet, but for writing it in like 20 minutes its aight.

Anyway...here it is:

I don't yet know why
but I know I have to try.
When I feel the pull
It is not a pounding in my skull
But a gentle nudge
I must obey without grudge.
It leads me to the light
When I follow without a fight.
This light turns me from sorrow.
It promises me a bright tomorrow.
This light is my life.

My God has for me such love
even though he resides far above.
He listens to my every word
My kind loving knowing Lord.
How have I come to be?
Looking back I hardly recognize me.
If I follow the light to the end
My God will truly be my best friend.

Rich blessings to impart
He promises me the desires of my heart.
I patiently await
Navigating the pathway, narrow and straight.
Perfect I know I am not
But my sins I know only He can blot.
My transgressions He remembers no more
When I call upon Christ's solo war.
In Gethsemane where he bled
With Heavenly Father he plead
"Why hast thou forsaken me?"
As Christ is, so seek I to be.

And so at 19 years of age today
Some days seem dark and gray.
When I feel the pull I cannot ignore
It leads me to seek it more
So my days increase in light
I will never give up this fight

Happy Easter

Read this

None Were with Him - Elder Holland

Why is it the older we get, the more cynical we become?

Seriously. Why?

You hear people say all the time something to the effect of "Now I'm old and cynical, but you are young and still believe! Stay that way! Stay young and hopeful!"

I hear it from my theater teacher about every other week. I went to the Mission Prep class on thursday and heard the same thing. The teacher told a story about how he was an older missionary with a new companion. They had just met this guy who didn't believe in God, but still let them in his home. They shared a message and then asked if they could come back. The guy said yeah, sure and as they left, this older companion was thinking we are never going to get another appointment with him, he was just being nice. I've seen this a million times before, nothing is going to come out of this. At the same time the younger companion was super jazzed saying we are going to baptize this guy! It's going to be awesome!

At this point, the teacher said to the young hopefuls in the class, if it weren't for the hope and faith of my young companion, this man wouldn't have received the truth. I got a call last year saying he was baptized. Stay faithful and hopeful in the work of the Lord. 

Perfect example. I am not pointing fingers and saying that he was totally wrong in getting older and becoming accustomed to the disappointments of life. Nearly everyone does it. I am guilty. But why???

Why do we remember the heartbreak, disappointment, discouragement that life brings? Why do we let those negative things shape us and our futures? Why don't we remember the tender mercies, the miracles, the happiness, the love, the good fortune? Why don't we become more optimistic and hopeful as time goes on, since we have seen so many good things come our way?

I think that is why it says so often in scriptures to be as little children. 

• Luke 18:17
• 17 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.
• Matthew 18:4
• 4 Whosoever therefore shall ^ahumble himself as this little ^bchild, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
• First Corinthians 13 even states this principle exactly:
• 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
• 12 For now we see through a ^aglass, ^bdarkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
• 13 And now abideth ^afaith, ^bhope, ^ccharity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

• Mosiah 3:19
• 19 For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyieldsto the enticings of the ^fHoly Spirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnaturalman and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

Fascinating. That is also probably why we are referred to as the CHILDREN OF GOD so often as well.  I want to change. I want to become as a child. Really become as a child. One who believes easily, hopes for all things, remembers the good over the bad. 

I want to be that person who sees the world through rose colored glasses and gets more optimistic, faithful, hopeful as time passes. 

That is what I want to try for. Do it with me.

I've Just Had An Apostrophe!!!

So, I've seen various versions of this statement: "If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it". I was just pondering over that while walking home from class yesterday. I thought of it in terms of words though since I am taking a Language and Racism Class. There was a situation of former presidents using racist language in private but taking huge steps to advance rights for black people. People's opinions were colored by the fact that Lyndon B Johnson used that language even though his actions were to benefit the oppressed.

I adapted the statement in my mind to be something like: If I don't want anyone to hear it, don't say it". That lead me to wonder what my life/language/ideas/attitudes/etc would be like if everything I said could be said in front of any audience without me having to worry. If I could repeat anything I said to anyone what would my conversations sound like?

I would never gossip. I would keep to myself what should be kept to myself. I would protect other's secrets or information much more devotedly. I would probably be more Christ-like.

So folks, that is my new goal. Maybe make it yours too?

It's bound to be a challenge, but everything worth it always is a challenge.

The Women in Our Lives

1. I absolutely love Gordon B. Hinckley
2. I am a boob - this made me cry
3. Why is there such a thing as feminism? Why don't you just listen to the words of this man?

Kind, Young, Loud, Excitable, Energetic

KYLEE made a Mormon.org profile!

Ch...ch...check it out!

I AM A MORMON

It, That: Part One

Thin Invisible Light surrounds me. It surrounds everyone if you look hard enough. Some people have forgotten to remember and their thin invisible light can barely be seen. They do things that dull the light. They don’t remember. Some people have fed that light until it almost blinds you to look at. They are the ones that remember to remember. They are the ones that are close to It, truth.

It surrounds everything actually. All living things at least…maybe all things. Trees, dogs, bats, and sunflowers. They all have the thin invisible light. It comes with life, I think. Their light is more constant, though. It doesn’t ebb and flow like with humans. It remains perfect through their whole existence. They have all of It written in the blueprint. They cannot forget It.

Babies always have bright frames. That is because they haven’t forgotten to remember yet. They just came from It, truth. If babies could talk they’d probably be able to tell us what It smells like. What It tastes like. What It sounds like. What It feels like. Maybe even what It really is. That’s why they tell you to be like a little child. Then as they learn to crawl and walk and talk and say the alphabet and read and write and dress themselves and play sports and drive and sign their own papers and That fills them up, they forget. It’s like the space that was filled with It gets filled with new things that push It out of their consciousness. But not all of them forget about It.

I haven’t forgotten to remember. But I also haven’t remembered all of what I forgot. That is the problem.

My light is there. It surrounds me. It hugs my body and moves in perfect harmony with me. I think it probably shows in my eyes the most. Well, that’s what I have been told anyway. They say the eyes are the windows to your soul. And your soul is where It is kept. The thin invisible light is the outward manifestation of It in your soul.

It sometimes is really bright. It is bright right now. I think that two years ago it wasn’t as bright. It was there…but I think you had to look harder for it. But now, right now, I can feel it. It is there and some people who have really good perception might have to squint when I am near. It feels alive and it wants to grow. It wants me to find It. Keep finding It, rather. It pulses with the beats of my heart. I hope my light keeps growing.

It, truth, can be found everywhere and that is what makes the thin invisible light flourish. That is why we are here. To find It. To make It a part of us: the light. People with brighter invisible lights are happier than those who forget to remember. There is a connection between It and joy. Probably success too.

Things here block It. I don’t know if they do it on purpose. In order to do it on purpose they would have to know that It is there. I don’t know why they wouldn’t want It if they knew what It was and that It was there. But lots of things keep you from getting It. That is why a lot of people’s light is hard to perceive. That keeps them busy.

There is a lot of That. That is what blocks It. That takes your attention away from remembering and instead tries to fill up the space of your mind and soul with other things that are not It. That is also everywhere. That is in the everywhere that It is not. Maybe It and That are equally infinite, filling in the spaces of each other if that is even possible. Maybe not. Maybe people just focus more on That than It. I think that probably the one we focus more on is more powerful.

I know people who have always had a bright light. Or people who I thought had a bright light only to find that it wasn’t as strong as it looked. Some people have never had very much light because they forgot, or because someone didn’t remind them. Some people forget and then they remember and find It. Some people have It and their light is wonderful but they get busy and upset and forget about It so their light goes away. It always makes me sad when their light gets smaller and weaker.

You can’t really lose all of your luminous frame. There is the smallest fraction, like 1 over infinity, which will always stay with you. Because it comes from somewhere else. Even if you don’t remember at all your whole life, there will be that teeny, tiny part that stays there. You can ignore or forget or remember nothing or do the opposite of It and only fill yourself with That, but that part will be there. That’s probably to protect us against our own forgetfulness. That way, it is never too late to find It and change your light from weakly flickering to blindingly strong.

You can’t really max out your light either. Because It is infinite and everywhere. You can never be full to the brim of It. It is in books. It is in music. It is in other people. It is in the forests. It is in the mountains and the oceans. It is in the temples and the homes. But so is That.

Some people get confused about It and That. They get confused and think that It is That or That is It. When they think they have found It and they are feeding their light, they really just have a lot of That and it takes over their soul space, dimming their light.

Having It makes you better. It makes you love more, understand more, care more, have more patience, speak truer words, and smooths the edges of your being.

Its like we are all stone waiting to become a sculpted masterpiece. Every bit of It that we get works the edges of the stone until you can see what the sculpture might become. The more and more that you get the more perfected you become. Truth perfects you. Truth makes you more like that which you should be like.

It is a whispering of things that were before. It dictates the universe. It exists whether or not people search for it. It is how you should live your life.

tru, aju, mózg, axola, mendje

Brain

Mind

Whatever you call it. We've all got one although some use them less than others.... Philosophy tries to prove or disprove the union or disunion of the brain and the mind. Or disprove or prove the existence of the something we know as the mind.

Its fascinating. What do you think about? What does your brain do 24 hours a day, 7 days a week all life long?

Mine finds patterns on the street with the lane dividers. When I see this kind of road paint:



I think of someone running.

When I see this kind:

Someone is riding/pushing a Razor Scooter

When I see this:

 

Can you guess it? If you said someone rollerblading then you would be correct.

Like Regan's blogpost I do it too. My mind connects those things which do not connect themselves. It draws lines and circles and squares and rhombuses around and around and around until it fits into one big web of words and ideas and "-ness"es. It assigns "labels" although these aren't the limiting "put-in-this-box-and-only-this-box" kind of labels. They can go wherever they like and each new experience with the word or idea or thought will add to its "-ness" in my head and get itself somewhere new along with the old.

When I am not driving and making patterns with road markings, gates/fences, words, feelings, and the likes, I pretty much have one thing on my mind. The past while in my life has been spent with thoughts of one topic.

Its not the same thought over and over again although occasionally there are some reruns. Its more like one topic come at from every angle possible til you would think my brain couldn't think anything more about the topic and say, "We have thought this through and through and through again. There is no more to be thought about this. Can we please move on to something else". But it thinks and thinks again. 

They say “We sow our thoughts, and we reap our actions; we sow our actions, and we reap our habits; we sow our habits, and we reap our characters; we sow our characters, and we reap our destiny.”

I hope in the end these thoughts become my destiny. They are good thoughts of hope and optimism and endurance and struggle and pondering and they encompass all that I want out of life. You could say that what I spend so much time thinking about is family.

I mean, what else is there in life?

Mormon Messages

These are fantastical.