Me as a parent

I see pins on Pinterest that are like how to get your kid to eat and why girls are harder to potty train than boys and that completely ridiculous games I don't let my kids play one or whatever and I just think, how stupid is that.

Back in the day (I am really not sure what day that was exactly) kids (and everyone) ate when they were hungry or when food was offered to them, went to the bathroom when they needed to and played whatever games they thought up.

So I am not a mother and I realize the total lack of credibility I have when I say all of this, but from where I sit now, here is how I will parent.

I guess the premise of all of these is that kids are not idiots. They lack knowledge, yes, but they are not idiots. They have a basic sense of survival that they don't get to exercise all that often these days.

If my kid won't eat, that is fine. I'll continue to offer them food and then when their tiny body is either going to pass into a starvation coma or they are going to eat, they'll eat.

If my kid resists potty training...on second thought...I don't think I'll potty train. I'll show my kids how everyone else goes to the bathroom with a toilet and when they are sick of sitting in their own nasty, they'll go to the bathroom in a toilet.

I will not buy my kids shoes until after they are walking - shoes are not an accessory and they aren't even a need or beneficial most of the time.

I got this one from my mom, but I will never lie to them about their performance in something. If they played horribly in their game or recital and they ask...I will tell them. They are not made of fragile glass that cam be shattered at the smallest whisper of hones feedback. If they sucked, I will inform them of that fact. I do not want to be the source of their value, self-worth, yaddayaddayadda...They will earn both their wins and their losses with their efforts and performance not my uttering stupid and false compliments at them. None of this everyone is a winner garbage. You win and you lose. Sometimes you win when you deserve to lose and sometimes you lose when you deserve to win. Learn from it either way.

I will not prohibit my kids from developing all parts of themselves. That means making for them, decisions they have the capacity to make for themselves. That means keeping them from climbing up the wrong side of the slide or climbing trees or playing without shoes on. They have the ability to make decisions and learn the consequences themselves. Sure, I know that if they are too small and try to climb up the tree further than their small body allows them to safely, they might fall and break something but they don't know that. Yeah yeah I will be the one footing the bill so I may be singing a different tune when that becomes a reality...but from my armchair that's what I am going with. They get to learn that firsthand. Not because mom tells them that and won't let them. Ugh.

Think of it this way - you wouldn't withhold food from them to keep their bodies small and cute, so why do so many parents withhold mental food from their kids to keep their brains tiny and cute? School isn't the only mental food out there folks! Making decisions and climbing too high and all that, is mental food. It grows their tiny cute brains into bigger cute brains.

I am not going to make up stupid names for body parts. Girls have vaginas and boys have penises and testicles and both have nipples. My kids will know that as soon as they are learning where their noses and ears and eyes are. If my kids are the ones teaching other kids those things at school...at least they are teaching factually sound information and not the combination of lies, myths, media and childhood curiosity that most kids are getting. You're welcome other parents...hate me if you want.

I am not going to baby them. They are humans who have the right to learn and grow and make mistakes and make good decisions and develop a pattern for their life. Who am I to steal that from them?

I am absolutely fed up

Hear that? I am absolutely fed up. Maybe more just heartbroken, frustrated and discouraged. Maybe those are better words to describe what I am.

With every passing second our world becomes a less stable, accepting, loving, safe place. How many days have passed since the last mass shooting? Zero. 0. None. That's how many. Do we need to start counting in minutes? How pathetic. Where did our conflict resolution skills go?

What has happened? Why do we trust our leaders less now than before?

So what we have a shit president? What happened to Power to the People? Why haven't we done anything about it? Why can't we do anything about it? What happened to the days where when things were going wrong we could change them as a team, a country?

Why do we trust one another less now than before?

What has happened? Why are we so entitled and selfish and dangerously unaware of those around us and yet so willing to offer our commentary on others?

When did it become acceptable for people to expect things they have neither earned nor deserve? How did it happen?

When did we begin to need validation from individuals we see only once yearly?

When did our sense of worth move from what our parents, teachers, mentors, God and we ourselves thought of us to what acquaintance, stranger, random person you'll never meet thinks of us?

When did we stop respecting our elders? At the rate we are going at the least they can say they didn't singlehandedly destroy all of humanity in a single generation. 

When did some other country's citizens become more important than the men and women who are responsible for this country's freedom?

When did we get so spineless? Why can we not stand up for what we believe without some entitled cretin claiming some PC card?  When did differing opinions become "hate" instead of growth? Get a hold of yourselves, you ignorant swine. 

Why does Dr. Everett Piper, President of Oklahoma Wesleyan University, have to write a blogpost like this?

"This past week, I actually had a student come forward after a university chapel service and complain because he felt “victimized” by a sermon on the topic of 1 Corinthians 13. It appears this young scholar felt offended because a homily on love made him feel bad for not showing love. In his mind, the speaker was wrong for making him, and his peers, feel uncomfortable.

I’m not making this up. Our culture has actually taught our kids to be this self-absorbed and narcissistic. Any time their feelings are hurt, they are the victims. Anyone who dares challenge them and, thus, makes them “feel bad” about themselves, is a “hater,” a “bigot,” an “oppressor,” and a “victimizer.”"

Because we are weak, entitled, selfish, arrogant, ignorant. That is a lethal combination of characteristics. It is despicable. We are a despicable people. We are hateful. We are selfish. We are close minded. We have lost so many valuable lessons from humanity like hard work and unity, conflict resolution, not being an ass to name a few. We are individualistic to a fault. We are judgmental to the worst degree. It is no wonder society is literally crumbling before us all with more hatred and division than ever. What else would anyone expect when we ignore people in need, when non procreating couples are wedded, when we care about no one but ourselves, when the safety, health and wellbeing of our own citizens is put far down on the to do list? What else can you possibly expect?

As of yet I have no idea what I am supposed to do about it all. Seems like a hefty task. But the first step is recognizing you have a problem, right? That's more than millions of entitled little freaks have done. 

College was not "fun"

You know what?

Until this, my senior year, I never would have used the word "fun" to describe college. It more just "was".

Like, "Yeah. I am in college. I'm studying anthropology. Its cool. I love my classes. Everything else is alright. Could be better, could be worse."

Now it goes more like this, "Yeah. I am in college. I am an anthropology major and I love it! And I freaking love my life. I basically have a 24 hour party 7 days a week. It is so much fun. Holy crap."

As (maybe) mentioned in a previous post (or maybe on my Rocks & Twigs & Things sister blog), I made a goal to be more social this year and I am pretty sure that that is happening and that is why I am having so much fun all the time.
**Now I really do not mind being by myself - in fact I love it. I prefer it most of the time, but right now this whole social thing is working**

Anyway. I have had more fun in the month and a half ish of this semester than I had in the previous two years combined.
Someone finally got me to Country Swing Club this year and that is a beautiful thing. It is a good time and I love it. It is fun.
I also am tutoring for athletics now and I love my football players. They are hilarious and entertaining (and sometimes even focus on doing their school work :) and I love the few hours a week I spend helping them keep up their grades. They are FUN.
Another thing that is making life so fun. I am living in the moment. Very little forethought into my life these days. For example, yesterday. I had watched conference in the morning, Joseph came over in between session and we (aka he) had lunch (when I was supposed to be doing homework!) and then we watched the second session at Cassie's. Afterwards we three had a very long and philosophical conversation about God (when I was supposed to be doing homework!) We left Cassie's and instead of going home and doing homework like I knew I seriously should have....I went grocery shopping with Joseph (...again...). We shopped and then as he dropped me off afterwards at like 10 to 6:00, I got a text from mi amiga Kim. She said she had tickets to this Diwali Night here at UW. The tickets were to the dinner starting at 7:30 but the cultural part was going on from 5:00 onward. So I hurried and texted Zane to see if he was going to priesthood or if he wanted to go to Diwali Night with me. He was in so I took the tickets and we had an awesome time at Diwali Night. I REALLY SHOULD HAVE DONE HOMEWORK. I REALLY NEEDED TO DO HOMEWORK.

I was on the phone with my mom this week and she said to me, "You have been yawning a lot lately." So I kind of explained how I had been of the attitude "What the hey? I am in college! I am young! Let's have some fun!" I then told her how I thought I was done with that lifestyle since I was so bloody tired. She basically chastised me for being such an old lady all the time and that I really needed to act my age and keep making poor life decisions because I wouldn't always be able to do so with so little consequence.

But I have continued on the live in the moment lifestyle where between going to bed or doing homework and going to hang out with Joseph or go to Diwali Night or Shari's for game night with the girls, I choose the non-sleeping & non-homework route. And life has been fun. College is finally fun.

Now it isn't all sunshine and daisies since I am pretty sure my grades are taking a hit. But I sure can hear my mom saying, "It is about damn time."




AND RED SOX ARE KILLIN IT

A really cool experience

It's funny. You'd think I would feel different now that my dad has been excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Like I might be angry or sad or confused and take out my feelings by distancing myself from the church or something...But it's not like that.

I feel happy even. I don't know why except that it must be the Holy Ghost's influence on me.

I drove home friday after class to be a part of the disciplinary council on sunday night. It didn't go as planned. We did not learn the lesson that we had anticipated learning:

"For clarification, we weren't of the conviction that the children should be at the disciplinary counsel to hear the "outcome." We had already discussed that at length in our family beforehand. We all were prepared for any outcome. What we are absolutely certain of was that they should be allowed to see the process as it took place.

In our discussions with them we talked of the Spirit that attends a disciplinary council. We discussed the format and the procedure. We reviewed the scriptures and what they say about disciplinary councils. We were certain this would offer them an opportunity to hear from people who disagree with their father and hear how other people interpret the scriptures and how they relate to the history of the church. We were looking forward to the opportunity for them to see the scriptures used by me and then by the members of the high council testify of gospel truths. The Spirit witnessed to Stephanie this would be a faith promoting meeting for them to attend. The outcome was a non-issue.

In any event, again we would like to thank you for your service. We know this has been difficult and bear no resentment for you or anyone involved.  I am saddened, even ashamed that there wasn't an open process which allowed my children to have this important opportunity.  I've prized the underlying principles of the gospel which involve persuasion, knowledge, meekness and avoid control, compulsion and dominion.  I wanted my children to witness this glorious process in which men of good faith and belief come together to work through an important disagreement.  I had wanted them to behold the Spirit leading to unity."

But we DID learn a different lesson or two:

1) Family is important. It is the most important thing God has given us. Our family is a reflection of us and our lives. The scripture "By their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:20) has new meaning for me. The fruits are your family. That is true. Think about it...we use the word "roots" to refer to family heritage and such. It makes sense! The Snuffer clan was a pretty damn sturdy and strong fruit tree last Sunday night. Our roots can withstand anything.

2) Man is imperfect. Man will always be imperfect. And IT DOESN'T MATTER. God is perfect. He is the source of all light and truth so no matter what people do (excommunicate your father) or don't do (listen to the spirit) you can bear them no ill, think no less of them, sustain them fully and know that you can go to God as the source of all light and truth. It does not matter that man (YES, even your church leaders, YES even your Bishop and Stake Presidency and Thomas Monson) are imperfect and make imperfect decisions without utilizing the divine gift of the Holy Ghost. IT DOES NOT MATTER. God is with us all if we let him be. And THAT is how we will attain salvation. 

3) Disagreement is a good thing. Really. 

"Disagreement does not require warfare, and sometimes makes for very healthy and interesting conversation between those holding different views. We all need to push beyond rhetoric into the substance of the disagreements. Once we do that we can find the ability to love one another even as we disagree."

Where would we be if Joseph Smith hadn't disagreed with the churches of his time? How can we learn to be Christ-like if everyone agrees on everything? How do we learn to love despite differences and disagreements? I don't think you can. It is not meant to be easy to love everyone. It is meant to be a refining process. 

SO...

I am grateful for the disagreement and discussion that occurred between my family and the Stake Presidency. It taught me three important lessons that I thank God for. 

God works in awesome (and mysterious) ways. I would suggest to those reading this that you find out how he works. It will be worth it 10000X over. 

P.S. I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am thankful for Institute and my YSA. I love my leaders and sustain them and pray for them. I love general conference and the men who dedicate their lives to the cause. I also know that these things will prepare me for the next world, while remaining here in this one.

An assignment for my class: part II

Humitrophis – I have no idea what the actual word for these things are. They are the little glass stone things that are put in jars and bowls as decoration and stuff. When my sister was a toddler she decided they were called humitrophises. It was great. She loved to play with them and my other siblings and I learned to love playing with them as well. We spent an embarrassing amount of time when we were kids playing with those little glass stone things. Whenever I see one I resist the urge to take it and play with it like I used to.

Baseball – Until recently, my brother and baseball were one in the same. I have gone to more baseball games than most 19-year old girls. My brother played middle infield and occasionally outfield. I idolized him growing up so I loved baseball. I love it still. Baseballs remind me of Christian. They always will.

White dresses and Blue blazers – Sounds like a wedding right? Well it is not. It was my high school graduation. I went to a private school so we didn’t do the whole cap and gown thing. The girls wore white dresses (knee-length or longer with sleeves!) and the boys wore khakis, a white collared shirt, and a blue blazer with the Waterford patch on the pocket. I did not cry during my graduation, but I got close. I had known my peers for years and years, some since I was 2 or 3. We were also the first class at Waterford where everyone who began the year ended it and graduated in years and years. Teachers couldn’t remember the last time a whole class graduated together. I will be in a store and see a white dress and think to myself “That would have been a good dress for graduation”.

My youngest sister has a very slow paced walk. Her heels touch first. Her head and shoulders are upright and straight. Her eyes are generally up, not looking at the ground as she steps. She has long legs so her steps are very long. Her arms slightly sway along her sides.

My sister is active, she moves a lot, even when seated. She grew up with almost all male friends, she plays on a boys baseball team so she has some mannerisms or characteristics that one would associate with boys like the way she sits and runs. She uses her face a lot to express herself.

My sister has a youthful voice. I noticed she emphasizes consonants a lot. More so than your average person.  When she is frustrated her voice elevates in volume and pitch.

When my sister walks into the kitchen, her first response is to look for food.

I see that my sister has some food on her face and it looks like she hasn’t brushed her hair in a while. Her nails are pink and blue. She has swirly earrings. She is young.

I have short steps since I have short legs. I have short arms so they swing a lot. My head projects forward when I walk.

When I stand it is apparent how short my arms are. As when I am walking, my head projects forward. Usually I cross one leg behind the other weight-bearing leg.

When I sit, I move a lot because of my back problems. I generally lean back in the chair unless there is a table and then I rest elbows/head on table. Sometimes I cross one leg under the other.

When I speak, I use equal long words and then rapid shorter words that rise in pitch during the points I want to emphasize.

I use the words/phrases:

Grow up

Junk

I don’t see a problem with that

Ain’t nobody got time for that

Poop. Everywhere, always

I really like the words:

Junk

Kylee

I sound a lot like my sisters. Well, they sound a lot like me since I came first.

I think others perceive me as short, compact, confident – because I keep my head up, I strut a little. I keep eye contact; I have bold/confident mannerisms like that. 

An assignment for my class: part I

Mac 'n Ramen – Growing up, my parents both worked so we had a nanny or my older siblings took care of us younger siblings. The go to meal was Kraft macaroni and cheese. One day, my older brother mixed Kraft Macaroni and Ramen. That then was the go to meal and I still eat it as a college student. The mixed fake cheese and fake chicken flavoring smell reminds me of my childhood. Yummy.

Grandparents - I can recognize my grandparents smell anywhere. It smells dusty, a little floral, like old people, and like Vaseline lotion. I have a scarf that my grandmother crocheted for me and every time I wear it I smell their house. It makes me happy.

Hospital – I hate the smell of the hospital. You rarely ever get good new there. It’s awful. It smells like medicine, illness, old people, white, false cleanliness (even though you can't possibly imagine the awful stuff everywhere, always). It reminds me of the day I was there when I was 15 years old and they told me I had 2 herniated discs in my back and Degenerative Disc Disease. They said I wouldn’t play sports again. I didn’t cry until I got home and was making Ramen noodles. I hate the smell of hospitals.

My trampoline – So many good memories (some including injuries) have happened on my trampoline. I remember my first back flip out there and the countless attempts at a perfect back flip 180. The times we would put the sprinkler by the tramp and dump dish soap so the surface became a huge, bubbly, slip and slide. That trampoline defines my childhood.

Harley Davidson – My dad has had Harleys since before I was born. So many of his shirts are from various Harley shops around the country. I can picture the way he lets his beard grow out when he’s taking a Harley trip to Yellowstone, Sturgis, or the Grand Canyon. I got my Harley license the year I graduated high school and now we can ride them together, with me not as a passenger. Harleys will ALWAYS remind me of my father.

Scratches on the Suburban tail light – This was my first car accident. Oh dear, it was terrible. It was the December after I got my license in August. I was going to go Christmas shopping with my cousin, Taylor. It was nighttime and I was reversing out of the garage to go pick her up. I couldn’t see the mailbox. I backed into it and it basically exploded. There were bricks up to 15 feet away. No one was home, my parents were in a movie and I couldn’t get a hold of them. I had a panic attack and cried and called my brother. He rushed home and laughed when he saw the mailbox. It was a shocking experience for me, but I smile when I think about it now.

Rusty and Rosie – These were the little rodent characters (I don’t know what animal they actually are) that were used by the elementary school that I went to to teach children various concepts. They had VHS movies we would watch and CDs to listen to. I can still sing many of the songs from Rusty and Rosie. I probably learned a lot from them and when my little sisters listen to the CD’s I can sing along.

The Beatles – When I hear any Beatles songs I think of my dad. End of story. The Beatles are the soundtrack to our car rides and Harley trips. Whether it be CD’s, iTunes, or Youtube videos I have heard every Beatles song ever. Beatles make me think of my dad.

Crowd cheering for me – When I was a senior in high school I was the varsity point guard until I broke my finger and had to get surgery. The night before I got surgery we had a home game and I was in a splint and bandaged up. I got my parents, the athletic trainer, and the coaches permission to play for a little bit since I was getting surgery the next day and they could just fix any more damage anyway. Well I played a little at the beginning of the game and then my coach took me out. In the fourth quarter, with just 2 or 3 minutes left, our entire fan section started cheering “WE WANT KYLEE! WE WANT KYLEE!”. My coach looked and me and said, "Get in there". I finished the last few minutes of my last ever game. That sound of the crowd still brings me to tears when I think about it. It was incredible.

The Women in Our Lives

1. I absolutely love Gordon B. Hinckley
2. I am a boob - this made me cry
3. Why is there such a thing as feminism? Why don't you just listen to the words of this man?

Reversal in Time

This is from my dear friend Aspen tree. She is amaza-zing. I recommend clicking on the link at the beginning of her post so that you can hear her reading the piece.

It is beautiful.

 Reversal in Time

"22 Years of Married Bliss"

My mom said that. Fat load of crap that is. With me as a child? I HARDLY describe raising Kylee as "bliss". In fact, I take a direct quote from said dear mother's blog:

"I remember a particularly frustrating few months with my beautiful, stubborn, bull-headed daughter number 1.  She was probably about 4 or 5.  I was fit to be tied.  She said "no" no matter what you asked her, she defied me at every possible opportunity.  I was certain she would have to be removed from my care because I was going to KILL her. She had to do everything her way.  I was way out of my league.  And I thought step-children, who probably didn't really even like me, were hard.  She was impossible.  So, one evening I was enlisting the advice of my dear husband, "What am I supposed to do with her?  She won't do this, she won't do that.  I can't make her listen . . ."  You get the picture.  I will never forget what he said -- it was the most profound thing anyone had ever said to me up to that point in my life.  It also  made me angrier than I had been in a coon's age.  (If you don't know, don't ask)  He said, and I quote, "You can't control her."  He was so calm, so matter of fact, I wanted to kill HIM then HER.  Yes, I can!  I am her mother!!! Can you hear it?"

Darn right you can't control me....

I digress...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MAMA AND PAPA. No one else coulda raised me...I'm kinda a....how do I put this lightly....kind of a dolt, blockhead, fool, twit, etc. (don't even ask what I put into the online thesaurus to generate those words). Props to the mother for letting me do my own thing...usually I find the right thing.

Thanks parents for setting such a great example for us chilluns. Because of my parents I know what a good marriage (and consequently a good family) looks like:

• 9 kids (give or take)
• Motorcycles
• A house that is never clean (sorry mom)
• Endless laundry
• Walking
• Family Home Evening
• Seeing every movie that has ever come out
• A husband who works hard
• A wife who works hard
• Kids who....learn to....work hard
• Charity
• Illegal Fireworks
• Leftovers
• Kicking the kids out when 24 is on

Yeah that's all I got.