Newlywed Nightmares

So in honor of being married for 5 months and having our reception in a couple weeks, I figured I would do some lovely story telling of the nightmares that Christopher and I have gone through since getting married.

So we got married on a Friday in the morning, and went to St. George in the evening for a three day honeymoon. We got there pretty lateish so we pretty much went right to bed. Our two biggest problems presented themselves fairly quickly.

1. Christopher was sick. Like snotty nose, tissues and garbage can by the bedside, mouth breathing all night sick. It was disgusting. He was gross, but in sickness and in health right?  So yeah that was super gross.


2. I don't share my bed easily. Awake or asleep apparently. I was tired so I fell asleep quickly and was out for the night. According to Christopher, this is what happened:

I was asleep and he was awake, mouth breathing I'm sure. I think he tried to snuggle up to me and instead of accepting it, I kicked him, hard, and told him to move over. He got upset thinking I was awake and being mean so he said, "Fine, I was moving over anyways."

He told me this in the morning. I don't remember it at all.



Our biggest problem was sleeping together - as in literally sleeping in the same bed together. I talk in my sleep. A lot. So much that I wake him up and he thinks I am talking to him so he will respond. Well, when he responds he wakes me up and I get pissed because why the heck is he waking me up in the middle of the night to talk to me?!? So annoying. Night time is sleep time, not talk time.

One night, I screamed bloody murder in my sleep. Like horror story stuff. Christopher was so freaked out so he started shouting my name. Shouting at a sleeping person, can you imagine? Geez. So he yells me awake and of course, I got angry at him for waking me up.

I also am very aggressive in my sleep. I sort of abuse him a lot. He gets too close and my (sleeping) self will physically remove him from my half of the bed. Kicking, pushing, punching. I have done it all to him during the night.

Another thing I do is move. A lot. One night, I was possessed and started to bob my head up and down on the pillow, counting with each rise and fall. I mean that is creepy. So creepy. My husband thought I was possessed for like three days. I honestly felt bad for that one.

It took like 3 months before we could get a good night's sleep after being married. Luckily, we have mostly worked that out and the nightly domestic abuse has lessened and as far as I know, he is used to me talking all the time.

It drives him crazy though because he wants me to remember what I am dreaming or why I am talking, but I never remember my dreams. He remembers all of his dreams.

I say he should just be happy I am not beating him up anymore. :)

Who knew that so many lions wanted to eat human babies..

Google Hangout Father's Day Style

Some Funnies for your Monday

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA The longer you look at it the better it gets.

SO GREAT

Super freaking trippy....


And the last laughs for y'all......

Happy funday monday!!!!

Google+ Hangout

Carson and I made a discovery last night on Google+. Here is the result:

AHAHAHHAHA Hamsters are great

I lurrvveeeee this hamster. 

An assignment for my class: part II

Humitrophis – I have no idea what the actual word for these things are. They are the little glass stone things that are put in jars and bowls as decoration and stuff. When my sister was a toddler she decided they were called humitrophises. It was great. She loved to play with them and my other siblings and I learned to love playing with them as well. We spent an embarrassing amount of time when we were kids playing with those little glass stone things. Whenever I see one I resist the urge to take it and play with it like I used to.

Baseball – Until recently, my brother and baseball were one in the same. I have gone to more baseball games than most 19-year old girls. My brother played middle infield and occasionally outfield. I idolized him growing up so I loved baseball. I love it still. Baseballs remind me of Christian. They always will.

White dresses and Blue blazers – Sounds like a wedding right? Well it is not. It was my high school graduation. I went to a private school so we didn’t do the whole cap and gown thing. The girls wore white dresses (knee-length or longer with sleeves!) and the boys wore khakis, a white collared shirt, and a blue blazer with the Waterford patch on the pocket. I did not cry during my graduation, but I got close. I had known my peers for years and years, some since I was 2 or 3. We were also the first class at Waterford where everyone who began the year ended it and graduated in years and years. Teachers couldn’t remember the last time a whole class graduated together. I will be in a store and see a white dress and think to myself “That would have been a good dress for graduation”.

My youngest sister has a very slow paced walk. Her heels touch first. Her head and shoulders are upright and straight. Her eyes are generally up, not looking at the ground as she steps. She has long legs so her steps are very long. Her arms slightly sway along her sides.

My sister is active, she moves a lot, even when seated. She grew up with almost all male friends, she plays on a boys baseball team so she has some mannerisms or characteristics that one would associate with boys like the way she sits and runs. She uses her face a lot to express herself.

My sister has a youthful voice. I noticed she emphasizes consonants a lot. More so than your average person.  When she is frustrated her voice elevates in volume and pitch.

When my sister walks into the kitchen, her first response is to look for food.

I see that my sister has some food on her face and it looks like she hasn’t brushed her hair in a while. Her nails are pink and blue. She has swirly earrings. She is young.

I have short steps since I have short legs. I have short arms so they swing a lot. My head projects forward when I walk.

When I stand it is apparent how short my arms are. As when I am walking, my head projects forward. Usually I cross one leg behind the other weight-bearing leg.

When I sit, I move a lot because of my back problems. I generally lean back in the chair unless there is a table and then I rest elbows/head on table. Sometimes I cross one leg under the other.

When I speak, I use equal long words and then rapid shorter words that rise in pitch during the points I want to emphasize.

I use the words/phrases:

Grow up

Junk

I don’t see a problem with that

Ain’t nobody got time for that

Poop. Everywhere, always

I really like the words:

Junk

Kylee

I sound a lot like my sisters. Well, they sound a lot like me since I came first.

I think others perceive me as short, compact, confident – because I keep my head up, I strut a little. I keep eye contact; I have bold/confident mannerisms like that. 

An assignment for my class: part I

Mac 'n Ramen – Growing up, my parents both worked so we had a nanny or my older siblings took care of us younger siblings. The go to meal was Kraft macaroni and cheese. One day, my older brother mixed Kraft Macaroni and Ramen. That then was the go to meal and I still eat it as a college student. The mixed fake cheese and fake chicken flavoring smell reminds me of my childhood. Yummy.

Grandparents - I can recognize my grandparents smell anywhere. It smells dusty, a little floral, like old people, and like Vaseline lotion. I have a scarf that my grandmother crocheted for me and every time I wear it I smell their house. It makes me happy.

Hospital – I hate the smell of the hospital. You rarely ever get good new there. It’s awful. It smells like medicine, illness, old people, white, false cleanliness (even though you can't possibly imagine the awful stuff everywhere, always). It reminds me of the day I was there when I was 15 years old and they told me I had 2 herniated discs in my back and Degenerative Disc Disease. They said I wouldn’t play sports again. I didn’t cry until I got home and was making Ramen noodles. I hate the smell of hospitals.

My trampoline – So many good memories (some including injuries) have happened on my trampoline. I remember my first back flip out there and the countless attempts at a perfect back flip 180. The times we would put the sprinkler by the tramp and dump dish soap so the surface became a huge, bubbly, slip and slide. That trampoline defines my childhood.

Harley Davidson – My dad has had Harleys since before I was born. So many of his shirts are from various Harley shops around the country. I can picture the way he lets his beard grow out when he’s taking a Harley trip to Yellowstone, Sturgis, or the Grand Canyon. I got my Harley license the year I graduated high school and now we can ride them together, with me not as a passenger. Harleys will ALWAYS remind me of my father.

Scratches on the Suburban tail light – This was my first car accident. Oh dear, it was terrible. It was the December after I got my license in August. I was going to go Christmas shopping with my cousin, Taylor. It was nighttime and I was reversing out of the garage to go pick her up. I couldn’t see the mailbox. I backed into it and it basically exploded. There were bricks up to 15 feet away. No one was home, my parents were in a movie and I couldn’t get a hold of them. I had a panic attack and cried and called my brother. He rushed home and laughed when he saw the mailbox. It was a shocking experience for me, but I smile when I think about it now.

Rusty and Rosie – These were the little rodent characters (I don’t know what animal they actually are) that were used by the elementary school that I went to to teach children various concepts. They had VHS movies we would watch and CDs to listen to. I can still sing many of the songs from Rusty and Rosie. I probably learned a lot from them and when my little sisters listen to the CD’s I can sing along.

The Beatles – When I hear any Beatles songs I think of my dad. End of story. The Beatles are the soundtrack to our car rides and Harley trips. Whether it be CD’s, iTunes, or Youtube videos I have heard every Beatles song ever. Beatles make me think of my dad.

Crowd cheering for me – When I was a senior in high school I was the varsity point guard until I broke my finger and had to get surgery. The night before I got surgery we had a home game and I was in a splint and bandaged up. I got my parents, the athletic trainer, and the coaches permission to play for a little bit since I was getting surgery the next day and they could just fix any more damage anyway. Well I played a little at the beginning of the game and then my coach took me out. In the fourth quarter, with just 2 or 3 minutes left, our entire fan section started cheering “WE WANT KYLEE! WE WANT KYLEE!”. My coach looked and me and said, "Get in there". I finished the last few minutes of my last ever game. That sound of the crowd still brings me to tears when I think about it. It was incredible.

Jennifer Lawrence

If you do not love her...you are not right. She is hilarious.

Exhibit A)

Exhibit B)

Exhibit C)

She is the best. I laugh. She is funny. She is a good actress. She is normal. She is great.

Hair Tutorial...gone wrong

Enjoy this. I think its pretty stinkin funny.....

2 Hamsters, 1 Wheel

Enjoy!

Happy Wednesday!!!

Spy Training 101

Saw this on Pinterest.

So of course I just whipped the three or four things of yarn that have been in the secret compartment in the back of my car and Shaila, Cassie and I tested it out.

WARNING: IT IS MUCH MORE FUN THAN IT LOOKS. ALSO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT LOOKS.

Our Training Area:

Our attempts:

We were going more for the Anne Hathaway style, but I think we were probably closer to Steve Carell:

It was a BLAST nonetheless. Even for a bunch of twenty some year old's in an apartment on a Saturday night.

For your entertainment

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA


Enjoy! Happy Thursday!!!!

Monday January 21, 2013

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! Its incredible what that man did and also what many others did. I find it astounding and admirable and impressive. He fought for right over his own safety and comfort. Good stuff.


This is also good stuff. Enjoy!

Here is a little something something

Scroll down to see the girl doing the...
 pants dance


no it isn't me....but I will do this one day.

Breakfast shake: an update

For part one see here
After taking it to friends houses, hot water, cold water, banging it on the counter, etc.... I had no luck with the blender top....sooooooo


I took it to the police station right across the street from my apartment and told the nice lady behind the glass "Honestly, I just need someone to help me open my blender" after she asked what she could do for me.

So I waited in the lobby of the police station while she got a strong po po to help me. He came out and opened my blender for me!!

In all of the people who tried to open it's defense - he struggled a little bit....just a little, but at least he didn't just look at it and it opened of its own accord...


Anyway....police are friends in times of need. (Like when you can't have your wonderful breakfast cause you can't open it)

Tombstone

Have y'all ever thought about what you want on your tombstones?

Like

"Wonderful mother, sister, aunt, daughter, grandma"....blah blah

Or

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time"
Mark Twain

Or

"Loving father, son, uncle, brother, cowboy"...etc etc

 Or

"Life is for the living.
Death is for the dead.
Let life be like music.
And death a note unsaid"
-Langston Hughes


My brother and I always joke that we will be buried next to each other and his would say:
"I'm with stupid ----->"

and mine would be next to his and say:
"I'm stupid"
or maybe
"<----- this guy died of stupid"

or something like that...anyway. You get the point.


What do you imagine on your tombstone?

You haven't lived until you

have seen this.

Try not to pee yourself. But if you do that is alright because this is "pee yourself" funny.

Pinterest Boards

You can learn a lot about someone by looking at their Pinterest boards.

For example :

What my Pinterest says about me:

I am obsessed with weddings. I mean, if I weren't, would I A)have 102 pins, and B) be able to watch like 8 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress at a time? Probably not.

I like food more than weddings. Who the heck doesn't? And I actually look at the food pins after I pin them while I have never looked at any of the other pins I pin.

I don't really do the whole exercise thing as much as the food and wedding and pretty much anything else.  I honestly just feel like I should pin things about exercise so people don't think bad things about me. Although my food:exercise pinning ratios reveal a whole lot....

I only think two things are funny and I need A LOT of motivation.

Anyway...you get the point.

What does your Pinterest board say about you?

Thanksgiving conversations

Here are a few conversations I had or listened to over Thanksgiving:


Brandon: Kalisa, where is Ben? We haven't seen him around.
Kalisa: Oh, we ate some questionable sushi last night. We've both been all sorts of unhappy. So that's where he is
Brandon: Say no more
Kalisa: I am pretty sure it was the tuna
*Ben walks in*: I was just telling the other room about the sushi



Lindsay: Freaking Thanksgiving!
Kylee: I know! All I have done for the past week is eat and play with a stupid plastic cup.



***Background: We were watching Dr. Quinn. Lindsay is on the lovesac and had been farting a lot. Carson is on the other lovesac. Savanna and I are on the couch.  Someone farts***
Carson: Lindsay! Are you serious!?! STOP IT
Lindsay: That was not me! That was obviously a leather couch fart!



Kylee, Lindsay and Regan: Aca-Awkward